Top 20 'Guy Walks Into a Bar' Jokes of All Time

by The Drink Nation on Mar 31, 2016 in Culture

We’ve all heard our fair share of bar jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan, but we’ve come across a few that actually make us laugh. Below you’ll find 20 great takes on the classic “A guy walks into a bar…” joke.

1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. 

3. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here." 

4. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape. 

5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react. 

7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.

9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.

10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."

11. George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

12. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

13. So a five dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar." 

14. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

15. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."

16. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

17. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

18. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."

19.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." 

20. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

Do you have a better 'Guy walks into a bar' joke? Let us hear it on Facebook or Twitter.

Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
Deck Your Halls With These Whiskey-Filled Ornaments

Deck Your Halls With These Whiskey-Filled Ornaments

Forget the tinsel and string lights - the UK's Lakes Distillery has released a line of booze-filled ornaments just in time to make your holiday season...read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Nov 14, 2017
Napa Valley is Running a Christmas-Themed Wine Train to the 'North Pole' For the Holidays

Napa Valley is Running a Christmas-Themed Wine Train to the 'North Pole' For the Holidays

If you've ever wanted to travel to the North Pole for the holidays, you can - but you have to get to the Napa ...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Nov 6, 2017
Portland's Best Fall Cocktails

Portland's Best Fall Cocktails

Let's we do what we do best and flock to cocktail bars and restaurants to sample the best drinks of the season....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Nov 6, 2017
SPONSORED
Brace Yourself: A Wine Shortage is Imminent

Brace Yourself: A Wine Shortage is Imminent

Europe is bracing for the lowest wine yield in decades, dropping 14% from 2016....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Nov 6, 2017
Delta is Now Serving Complimentary Prosecco on Select Flights

Delta is Now Serving Complimentary Prosecco on Select Flights

Delta Airlines is now serving complimentary prosecco on all of its international flights, including to coach customers....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Nov 6, 2017
A Rare Sam Adams Beer, Utopia, Is Being Released

A Rare Sam Adams Beer, Utopia, Is Being Released

Sam Adams has released their biennial Utopias beer, a barrel aged ale that is illegal in 12 states due to its high alcohol content....read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Oct 31, 2017
Where to Celebrate World Gin Day in Portland

Where to Celebrate World Gin Day in Portland

November 7 is World Gin Day, a holiday that has not yet been recognized by most federal governments, for some reason - but just because it’s not leg...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Oct 31, 2017
A Canadian Man is Suing an Airline for a Ridiculous Champagne-Related Reason

A Canadian Man is Suing an Airline for a Ridiculous Champagne-Related Reason

This Canadian man has sued an airline for a champagne-related reason you won't believe....read more ›

by Ryan Hudak Oct 31, 2017
Chocolate Red Wine is Here, Just in Time for Winter

Chocolate Red Wine is Here, Just in Time for Winter

Winter is officially coming, and one U.K. winery has created a chocolate red wine to keep you warm and cozy all season long....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Oct 31, 2017
This Chicago Bar is Dressing Up as Moe's Tavern for Halloween

This Chicago Bar is Dressing Up as Moe's Tavern for Halloween

Bar and arcade Replay, in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago, is getting into the Halloween spirit by dressing up as Moe's Tavern, the iconic dive bar f...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Oct 24, 2017
SPONSORED
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close