Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

by Ryan Hudak on Mar 17, 2015 in Beer
Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

Dear Bud Light Drinkers: You are idiots.

Before you get upset, that’s not coming from me (though I’ve had my doubts), but straight from Budweiser. Since making fun of the craft beer segment that they are so desperately trying to buy their way into didn’t go over very well, Bud is falling back on their “Up for Whatever” garbage to try to be hip and cool and appeal to millennials. And they’re doing that with hilarious phrases telling you which whacky situations Bud Light is perfect for.

"Our fans will truly need to be 'Up for Whatever' when they're enjoying a Bud Light out on the town," said Alex Lambrecht, vice president of Bud Light. "We think they'll have fun doing the ideas printed on our bottles.” You will have SO MUCH fun! Dust off that Jock Jams CD, Bud Light drinker, and cue up “Get Ready for This,” because you truly better be up for whatever if you’re going to follow the Bud Light labels with such crazy notions as it being the perfect beer for “tuning up the old air guitar,” “taking off the blindfold and showing that piñata who’s boss” or “when you’re eating breakfast meats outside of breakfast hours.” WOAH! Slow down, Bud Light! My millennial 30-second attention span brain can only handle so much excitement, and you are juicing up all my party receptors to full blast!

The best saying so far, though, is that Bud Light is “the perfect beer for passionately toasting things you really don’t know much about.” You know, because you’re stupid. But I wonder what these things you don’t know about could possibly be. What millennials actually want in their advertising? How to make commercials that don’t directly offend breweries you just bought and want to work with? How to make good beer?

But why does AB-InBev think you’re idiots? Because they actually think this will work on you. They’re so profoundly misguided as to think anyone at all will give a shit about what is on these labels and, even worse, will actually try to perform any of the inane phrases on the bottle. Even Carol Phillips, president of the Brand Amplitude consulting firm that specializes in millennials, knows absolutely nothing about millennials. "While the big brands are still big, the little guys are cooler and hipper. So if you are a big brand, you've got to do the things that only big brands can do. A little brand can't do this.” She also said Bud Light "can't be a craft beer. So what can they do? They can leverage their scale to bring some experiences that you can't get from a craft beer."

Thank god. And thank you, Carol, for recognizing exactly what I want with my beer. Every time I sit down with a pretentious, $7 craft beer, I think, “this is delicious and all, but it’s lacking some kind of experience.” But not anymore, because I’ve found “the perfect beer for forming a one-person conga line.” All is right in the world once again.

Photo via Bud Light

 


Tags: Beer
Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
Using Peas to Make Gin Might Lead to More Environmentally Friendly Spirits, Studies Show

Using Peas to Make Gin Might Lead to More Environmentally Friendly Spirits, Studies Show

Scientists may have discovered a more environmentally friendly way to make one of the world's most popular spi...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jul 23, 2019
Drink a Classic Cocktail for a Good Cause During Negroni Week, June 24-30

Drink a Classic Cocktail for a Good Cause During Negroni Week, June 24-30

Negroni Week 2019 is June 24-30, so drink this classic cocktail for a good cause....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Jun 19, 2019
What to Do if Your Uber, Lyft, or Cab Driver Ever Strays From Your Destination or Makes You Feel in Danger

What to Do if Your Uber, Lyft, or Cab Driver Ever Strays From Your Destination or Makes You Feel in Danger

If you're taking an Uber, Lyft, or cab and feel unsafe, there are steps you can take to protect yourself....read more ›

by Nina Starner Jun 19, 2019
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Store Rectangle
Behind the Bar: Kat Corbo of The Study & Winner of Speed Rack 2019

Behind the Bar: Kat Corbo of The Study & Winner of Speed Rack 2019

This time on Behind the Bar, we spoke to Kat Corbo of The Study, who recently won Speed Rack 2019....read more ›

by The Drink Nation May 15, 2019
Boston Beer & Dogfish Head Have Merged in a $300 Million Deal

Boston Beer & Dogfish Head Have Merged in a $300 Million Deal

In a huge move for the American craft beer community, Boston Beer and Dogfish Head have agreed to a merger valued at $300 million dollars. ...read more ›

by The Drink Nation May 10, 2019
A New, High-End Blend of Jack Daniel's Whiskey is Now Available in the United States

A New, High-End Blend of Jack Daniel's Whiskey is Now Available in the United States

A new, high-end blend of Jack Daniel's whiskey, known as Jack Daniel's No. 27 Gold, which was previously only ...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Apr 15, 2019
Coopers' Craft Bourbon Is Now Available in 12 States With a New Barrel Reserve Expression

Coopers' Craft Bourbon Is Now Available in 12 States With a New Barrel Reserve Expression

Coopers' Craft Kentucky Straight Bourbon has debuted an entirely new label design, has expanded to more states...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Apr 3, 2019
PBR is Making Its Own Whiskey For the Perfect Shot & Beer Combo

PBR is Making Its Own Whiskey For the Perfect Shot & Beer Combo

Pabst Blue Ribbon has filed documents to create its very own whiskey, making for the perfect shot & beer combo....read more ›

by Drink Philly Mar 18, 2019
Behind the Bar: Tory Pratt of Pratt Standard

Behind the Bar: Tory Pratt of Pratt Standard

In this edition of Behind the Bar, we chatted with Tory Pratt, the founder of Pratt Standard....read more ›

by The Drink Nation Mar 7, 2019
Acclaimed Director Ridley Scott Has Made Seven Short Films for Hennessy X.O.

Acclaimed Director Ridley Scott Has Made Seven Short Films for Hennessy X.O.

Ridley Scott has directed a four-minute short film for Hennessy X.O. visualizing the seven flavors of the high...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Mar 4, 2019
SPONSORED
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close