A mother can say the darndest things after a few boxes of boxed wine, like how you’re the favorite child. And how proud she is of you. And how she can just feel that life is overwhelming you. Or how she “never liked your ex, anyway.” Here are our top picks for boozing up our mothers on their special day in Portland. Fingers crossed nobody cries this year.

The Heathman (1001 SW Broadway; 503-790-7752)
Remember back when brunch meant a meat carving station, a seafood display and a dessert table? Get in on The Heathman’s traditional brunch for $47. The buffet includes an omelet station, a salad bar, the seafood aisle, a carving station, a dessert table, and more. For those not dining the Grand Buffet on the mezzanine level, The Heathman’s revamped cocktail list will be within reach. Chef Kathy Casey, celebrity mixologist and the author of 10 cookbooks, along with Michael Stanton, executive chef of The Heathman recently revamped the cocktail menu. Moms will love the classy Tea Court Lounge Punch cocktail made from Bacardi Select rum, Courvoisier VS Cognac Pomegranate, guava, orange and lemon juices, Fonte Earl Grey tea spiced syrup with Angostura foam.

Pink Rose (1300 NW Lovejoy Ave.; 503-482-2165)
Depending on the hipness of your mother, she may or may not be a seasoned brunch-goer. To get her going down the right path, start the trend with bottomless mimosas and patio dining at The Pink Rose restaurant located in the Pearl District. Mommie Dearest will drink the bottomless mimosas for half the normal price, which is crucial to being able to afford the only meal you're ever expected to pay for. Chatty Cathys be warned: Due to brunch popularity at Pink Rose, tables will only be available for an hour and a half per seating.

Pix Patisserie (2225 E Burnside St.; 971-271-7166)
Show your mother just how much you’ve grown up. Take her to The Special Edition Mother’s Day Tea with Argyle Bubbles at Pix Patisserie. Coinciding with PDX Bubbles Week, there will be a special selection of 10 sweet and savory bite sized treats, a pot of Townshend’s Tea and a glass of Argyle 2010 Brut for $30. Bring the children too! There’s a kid’s version of six sweet and savory treats with a nonalcoholic beverage for $16. Make reservations up until 4 PM on May 9.

Besaw’s (2301 NW Savier St.; 503-228-2619)
The Mother’s Day menu at the popular NW weekend dining spot screams brunch with Ma: crab and asparagus crèpes with lemon caper cream, and a chocolate waffle with berry compote. Quite possibly the best part of the special menu is the name of the drink special, aptly named “Mommy Juice.” It's made from cava and passionfruit syrup cocktail with an orange twist. Simple, yet effective.

Too hungover to make it to brunch? Try dinner instead.

Andina (1314 NW Glisan St.; 503-228-9535)
Moms love “gypsy guitar” and upright bass. Impress her at Tupai, Andina’s event space on May 11 with The Jenny Finn Orchestra. This sextet is classically trained and performs vintage swing jazz of the ‘20s and ’30s. An orchestra performance and dinner are sure to score you some Mother’s Day brownie points. The cover charge for the performance is $18 along with a $20 per person table minimum. Doors open at 6:00 PM.

We suggest throwing mom into the Peruvian mix with a spicy cocktail called the Sacsayhuamán made from habanero pepper vodka shaken with pureed passionfruit and cane sugar, served up with a sugar rim and cilantro leaf garnish.